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CAROLS FOR A COMMERCIAL
CHRISTMAS
Christmas just ain’t what it used to be when I was a kid! In the days
before television, we didn’t have to put up with commercials advertising
Christmas sales months before the holiday arrived. Before shopping malls
took over the world, the holiday was centered around Jesus and was
celebrated in the church. Most of our beloved Christmas carols are musical
settings of the biblical stories of Jesus’ birth.
But times change. Now, marketing for Christmas begins before Hallowe’en
and sales for the season are in full swing by Thanksgiving. "The
bottom line" seems to be the measure of whether the holiday was good
or not. In this, the beginning of the 21st century, Christmas
appears to be defined by buying and selling and the center of the
festivities seems to have become the marketplace. Christmas has become a
commercial celebration.
I don‘t want to be an "old fogey," clinging to the past and
out of step with the times. So, I’ve decided it may be time to re-write
some of the familiar songs of the season to reflect the modern meaning of
Christmas. So, below, I offer a few suggestions of "Carols for a
Commercial Christmas." (You will note that the tunes we know and love
are the same.)
1. TUNE: Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly
Deck us all with well-filled shopping bags, Fa-la-la-la La-la-la-la.
Shopping ‘til our holiday spirit sags, Fa-la-la-la La-la-la-la.
Trim the tree and bake the goodies, Hurry more, worry more, lots to do.
Wrap the gifts and mail ‘em early, Bah-and-bah-and-bah, and humbug,
too!
2. TUNE: Away in a Manger
Away, off to Macy’s. No room in the store.
They opened at 4 am just to sell more.
The shelves are well stocked, but wrong sizes and hues.
They’ve bargains galore on stuff I’d never use.
3. TUNE: We, Three Kings of Orient Are
We, three cards used north, south, east, west
MasterCard, Visa, American Express,
We give you power to buy hour after hour,
Without even stopping to rest.
Oh, oh, cards of wonder, plastic and fees
Cards to buy whatever you please!
Goodby budget; we’ll help you fudge it,
‘Till the bill knocks you to your knees!
4. TUNE: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing
Hark, cash registers are ringing, Glory be, we’ve sold more
stuff!
If this lasts, we could be singing, ‘2009 was not so tough!’
Hail to advertising power, we are selling more each hour!
So-called recession is no threat; economists, you guys are all wet.
We’ve sailed from red into the black; no more regrets; we won’t look
back.
Hark, cash registers ring on, and we all with joy sing on.
5. TUNE: While Shepherds Watched their Flocks by Night
While shoppers watched around closed doors, all seated on the ground,
The clock struck midnight and the stores were opened all around.
‘Fear not,’ said clerks as crowds rushed in, ‘there’ll be great
gifts to buy.
But please don’t push or shove someone else, or make another cry.
When the day was done, at closing time, just three bodies were
discovered.
But fifteen shoppers suffered wounds, and most of them recovered.
6. TUNE: O, Little Town of Bethlehem
O little shop with designer jeans and other things I flaunt,
Do you have shoes, exotic shoes? The very ones I want?
I hear they’re all the rage now, so nothing else will do.
I must have them in size 10 wide and only in bright blue.
7. TUNE: Jingle Bells
Jingle bells, heard by spells, on the Christmas air,
Some from steeples high above, calling us to prayer.
Some from kettles near the street inviting us to share
With those in need around our town, to show them that we care.
Dashing thru the crowds, at store, and shop and mall,
We’ve bargains on our minds and don’t hear bells at all.
We have no time now for Jesus; we really do not care.
We’ve spent down to our last red cent, so can’t afford to share.
Jingle bells, heard by spells, on the Christmas air,
Some from steeples high above, calling us to prayer.
Some from kettles near the street inviting us to share
With those in need around our town, to show them that we care.
8. TUNE Silent Night
Silent night, bankruptcy night. All is gone. Not a mite
Left in my wallet for the next rainy day. The law is coming to take me
away,
Off to jail ‘till I pay. I’ll sit in jail ‘till I pay.
So, friends, those are my suggestions for Christmas carols for a
commercialized holiday. Do you like them? I don’t!
11/28/09 - mshr
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