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Wayside_Wisdom
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It looked like such a peaceful place! Tall pine trees, glistening in the sun, being gently strummed by the breeze. The nearest city was miles away and we were deep in the middle of the northwoods of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. The sky above us was a beautiful, unpolluted blue. But the opening attack of the war came as we stepped out of the truck! Without warning, we were dive-bombed, buzzed, besieged and swarmed by an almost invisible army: deer flies, stable flies, mosquitoes, house flies, gnats, and tiny nameless green flying insects that looked like bits of cut grass! They wasted no time on arms and legs but went straight for our heads, faces, ears and necks. Not just run-of-the-woods winged nuisances but skilled and experienced north woods warriors! The first wave of attacks drove us to retreat back into our truck in search of weapons to protect ourselves. Sturdy caps, long-sleeved shirts gave us our first live of defense. But defense was not enough! We had to fight back. We hauled out our secret weapon of mass destruction: a brand new spray can of "North Woods OFF" insect repellant containing maximum strength DEET! With our spray can at "ready to fire" position, we bravely stepped out from our retreat vehicle, back into the buzzing conflict! There, in the presence of our winged enemies, we boldly and generously sprayed every inch of each other with repellant. There was a brief hush as if our insect invaders were demoralized - or at least confused! Then the buzz of battle began anew. Again we had to seek safety inside our vehicle and we began to wonder if insect repellant was just an appetizer for them before their main meal of human flesh and blood! Nevertheless, we refused to let a disorganized army of insects defeat us. Who did they think they were anyway? They had strength in numbers and nuisance power. But they were each but a tiny fraction of our size - and didn’t have a first-grade education among them! So, we stayed! And they persisted! A walk in the woods became an exercise in guerilla warfare. Those flying hordes would attack us from behind! Or from the shadows where they were almost invisible! Each day we added to our "walking uniforms" clothes that would cover more of our bare skin. We applied a new coat of insect spray at ever more frequent intervals! We thought we were finally winning the "War of the Flies." Then I began noticing itchy new bites on my body morning after morning. They were in places that had been securely covered all day by my body-armor of clothing. Clearly, somewhere, our winged foes were fighting a secret war! Finally one morning, their undercover activities were revealed. Between the sheets of our bed, I discovered several of those nameless little "grass clipping" bugs! That was the final blow. I was being attacked below the belt in the privacy of my own bed! It was time to admit defeat, leave the battlefield and its spoils to the victorious Insect Army, and move on. Our only consolation in losing our "War of the Flies" was knowing that we were not alone in defeat! We, too, had now earned the right to wear a popular Yooper (nickname for an Upper Peninsula dweller!) T-shirt. It is a gray shirt, emblazoned with a large Red Cross. On each of the four arms of that familiar symbol sits a vicious, grinning mosquito! "Yooper Blood Donor" the T-shirt proudly declares! mshr - 7/12/06 |