The Driving Lesson

THE DRIVING LESSON

Me drive that rig? Now, you can’t mean that!
It’s my husband who drives; I just read the map!
Me at the wheel? You’re just kidding, right?
If I drove every knuckle in town would be white!
Me in the driver’s seat? Give me a break!
I think I’m getting a major headache!
OK, I’ll just sit there and look around.
Oh my gosh, it’s at least a mile down to the ground!
But now that I’m here I’m trapped, no doubt.
No parachute handy to help me get out!
Turn the key? Start the engine? I don’t think I can!
That’s a task I’ve always left to my man!
Oh, all right. Where’s the "On" button to make it go?
I’m looking! It’s around here someplace I know!
Look out! Duck your head! What is that sound,
Like the roar of a jet plane too near the ground?
It’s just the noise of this rig when it’s hummin’?
Watch out, world! You’ll soon hear us comin’!
Put it in gear? Oh, I wonder which one?
There are quite a bunch to choose from!
Well, "D" stands for "Don’t," so "R" must mean "Right."
Oh, I’m so sorry to give you such a fright!
"R’s" for "Reverse"? And "D" is for "Drive"?
Now what language is that I must learn to survive?
"Go straight." Not too hard. "Turn right." Now, let’s see:
Right is toward the eating hand for me.
"Turn left." That must be the other direction.
Why can’t I take up the whole intersection?
"Reference point" "square corner" "open up that turn"
In spite of my fears, I just might learn!
Back up? In reverse? Oh, no, not me!
How can I back into a place I can’t see?
For half a century I’ve tried not to look back,
Always facing forward to stay on the right track!
"Don’t look back" has been my motto for years.
Now you say I must turn and face into my fears?
With all due respect though, I’ll do as you say.
But, if from your wisdom I happen to stray,
Don’t bury me here at the scene of disaster.
Send my body back home to a greener pasture
Where I’ll always face forward, up toward the sky
As my spirit takes flight to the sweet bye and bye!
It’s easy, you say? No cause for such worry?
Just follow your instructions and I’ll learn in a hurry?
A few simple tips can take much of the guess
Out of backing your rig without mental distress:
"Slow down to a crawl"; "Watch your mirrors and guide";
"Trailer left, push with left hand." (Remember, it’s wide
And two miles long!) "Trailer right, right hand shove."
"You’ll slip into your site like a hand in a glove!"
SO, this old dog learned new tricks about driving RVs.
But, on down the road, if you see me, please,
PLEASE don't honk to hurry me, as you speed by,
'Cause I don’t dare drive faster than my angel can fly!

mshr - 5/19/05

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